The Little Systems Robot who could..

Three intense days of strategic planning and systems review.

The scary thing is not that I can't do it, or that I don't understand the rationale for it. The scary thing is that I am good at doing all of this and I understand why our excellence-driven organisations need these structures - yet I think it will kill our spirits and the spirits of the children we teach.

Each time we precariously balance yet another structure upon this Babylon of 'strategic thrusts', we produce more paper work and erode whatever trust remains between colleagues. We try to measure the things that are unmeasurable - relationship , morale , learning - and in so doing we inevitable take life away as we dissect and probe.

And I am part of this. I dutifully apply my brains to SWOT analysis and systems proposals, dutifully vet SEM reports for review flaws, dutifully provide feedback on key leverage points.

It feels like I am prostituting myself.

Maybe that's why I feel like shit after these 3 days. Not because I am mentally drained (though I am) but because I am contributing to the shitloads of crap spiritless work that my colleagues have to plough through next year. Me with my smart little brain and efficient meeting of deadlines.

Fucking hell.

Panic attack in midst of meeting yesterday, when talk turned to monitoring of the paper usage of teachers in individual departments, in order to cut down on paper costs.

You fucking want me to get teachers to report to me how many worksheets they use and why?!?!?!?!?

I need out.

It's not just about the foolish focus of individual leaders. It is about the culture of systems that dominates Singapore.

I need out.

2008.