The art of conversation

I've been wondering what makes a good conversation.

Of course, alot depends on what one defines as a good conversation. Light amusing banter or weighty, insightful analyses? A good mix of both I assume.

And then there is the question of silence. E mentioned that I seem uncomfortable with silence when meeting new people, that I always seem to feel responsible for carrying the conversation.
That is true to a certain extent.

Perhaps cultivated from years of counselling, trying to get others to talk, or make others feel comfortable. It is tiring at times.

Or perhaps it stems not from altruism but from pride - a sense of 'I know you don't really know what to say, so let me help you since I can'.

In any case, I do enjoy comfortable silences. Seems elusive though. It scares me to see married couples staring past each other as they munch on their food. How can that be a silence that is 'comfortable'?

Then again, I have had comfortable silences with close friends. Maybe both need to be calm and completely at ease with one another for that to happen. Or maybe an extra ingredient of trust is needed.

By trust, I refer to the ability to trust the strength of the friendship - that when the time is right and the person is ready, he/she will share those thoughts with me if he/she chooses to. The question 'What are you thinking about?' appears loaded to some people. But I believe that in a friendship of trust, the other can either respond with complete truth, or respond with a 'Nothing' and be taken at face value.

What makes a good conversation? I realise that most people enjoy talking, revealing themselves. It is one of the most unique and intimate aspects of human interactions. Sacred.
I've also noted that I usually ask questions that I want others to ask me. (Self-centred, I admit) Some of the best conversations I've had have had alot of these to-ing and fro-ing.

And listening.

There's this book 'Momo' by Micheal Ende. The character Momo is a vagrant girl who enters a little town and uplifts it because of her unique ability - listening. She is so good at listening that those who speak to her find themselves, end conflicts, realise the errors of their ways. Ende described her listening so beautifully. With all her heart and body and soul, she would be listening.

I think it's true to say that true, empathetic listening does bring a certain extent of healing to the other.

On speaking, in the Bible :
14 ...We are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; 15 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ.
Ephesians 4:14-15

5 Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity. 6 Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.
Colossians 4:5-6