Running for approval

I went for another long run yesterday.. 19km plus plus.. sheesh.. At the start of the run my friend's husband articulated what we were all thinking at 7:45 on a Saturday morning - Why are we doing this to ourselves? Haha..

But it was good.

During one of the long lonely stretches, I realised I was looking out for someone as I was jogging. Perhaps I would meet an old acquaintance, perhaps Mr D.A. who claims to jog there sometime, perhaps someone else - male.
Odd, I thought. And as I searched within myself, I asked God - who am I really looking for? What am I really looking for?

And suddenly the answer came - your father's approval.
I started to remember occasions in my childhood when I had been outstanding, done great stuff, won prizes, so many occasions, and my father had not been there.
One incident stood out - a time when I was in Primary One and I had returned home with my report book. At that time I had no inkling what the report book was for, or what the exams had meant. But when my father woke up from his nap and saw my position in standard(43 out of 116 or something like that), he looked.. disappointed. I remember that.
After that, I made sure I always was within the top ten.

This ache in me - it's been for my father's approval? He has passed on - his soul has found rest (Ps 62:1). I will rest in my Heavenly father's approval instead.