ALAS!!! ALACK! !!!

O WOE IS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SOMEONE STOLE MY HANDPHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Every exclamation mark is to counteract my superbly cool demeanour as I assure my colleagues that 'It's ok, no big deal'.
I had left my handphone on my desk and gone for a silly briefing. On my way back to my seat, my uncanny intuition (ok, think it was Someone) told me - check your handphone.
GONE GONE GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O WOE IS MEEEEEEE.................

I am amazed by colleagues' immediate reaction.
The uber-insensitive ones : Aiyo, why you put there? Sure get stolen la. Why so careless?
I replied to two of these specimens - Thank you for your sympathetic response.
That shut one of them up. The other one said - Don't be sarcastic. I rolled my eyes, then smiled. Wa lao, EQ where har?

The overly concerned naggy ones : Aiyo, are you sure are you sure it's here? Did you bring it? Where did you put it? Did you call the number?
Yes, it was. Yes I did. No I am not an imbecile.
But they were trying to be nice, so I kept my comments to myself.

The smart nice ones gave a genuinely concerned look, asked once, and backed off.
Do not mess with Traumatised Woman.

The police and service provider are another cause for concern.
WHITHER COMMON SENSE???????
I call the service provider, asking them to trace calls made from the phone today.
'Sorry, we'll only know at the end of the month when the bill is ready'
Huh? Are there no crisis managment procedures? Surely mine is not the first phone stolen?

I leave them alone and call the police.
I explain the situation, ask if they can help me to trace numbers dialled out, or at least order the service provider to do so.
'Why do you need to trace?' says Mr Police Officer.
'So that you can track down who the culprit calls and hopefully identify the culprit' I volunteer helpfully, in a slow manner so that Mr Police Officer can comprehend this momentous concept.
'Oh.' Mr Police Officer says.

AAAAARERRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

WAH LAO EH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I must teach you how to track criminal har????? Wah Lao Eh!

DEEP BREATH.

Sheesh.