Reacting to LMDs

Oh, another one of those LMDs - Lonely Monster Days.. They creep up from behind me and - WHAM! - suddenly it feels like someone has socked me in the gut and I will always always always be alone.

Today, I suddenly realised that I greatly identify with the character of the Jap girl in 'Babel'. An abyss of hunger.

But it will pass. It always does.

After being socked by the LM, I did what I've been planning to do - went to the directory of volunteer websites (www.cip.org.sg/vmall) and started emailing a list of organisations which I am quite keen on volunteering with.

Calmed down a lot after I was done with emailing.

So - this is the scenario. Wracked with loneliness and insecurity, I turn to help others. Am I hoping that witnessing/trying to alleviate the suffering of others will ease my own? Does altruism count when it is - NOT altruistic?

Well, whoever is not against us is for us.

I think I dare not hope for unsullied motives. At most, I would say that I want to remember.. that there are many different kinds of sufffering, many little differences that one person can make.. I want to remember that I am a blessing.

Will this be the start of another vicious cycle - that once more i keep having to prove to myself that I am worth something?

But surely directing my energies to others must serve a lot more than this incessant griping and navel-gazing?

Ah. One day at a time. Each day has enough worries of its own.